Intimacy is the Antidote
Breaking the cycle of Intimacy Aversion
Intimacy Aversion, also known as Acting In, describes the dynamic of attempting to gain perceived emotional protection by avoiding intimacy and connection with the most significant people in our life.
Intimacy Aversion prevents freedom even if you have sexual sobriety.
Freedom
Engaged in meaningful relationships, experiencing joy, passionate about life and not just free from acting out but actually living redemptively.
OR
Sobriety
No longer acting out but basically just counting the days, never really experiencing joy, passion or purpose. Always concerned that the next slip is right around the corner.
Intimacy Aversion keeps us insulated from real or perceived pain. For protection we avoid intimacy with:
So how do we fix it?
First, we have to understand it. We'll start by looking at...
Scripts
Identifying the scripts we follow along with the patterns. These are often unconscious and only begin to change when we realize they are present and affecting us.
Techniques
Identifying the techniques (at least 13 of them!) we use to push people away, which ones particular ones you employ and why.
Backpack of Burden
Understanding what it means to carry the pain & relational difficulty. Ultimately someone will have to. Intimacy Aversion guarantees it'll be someone besides us. Unfortunately that usually ends up being our wives.
Cycle
Going to school on the cycle of Acting In; what starts it, how to recognize when we're in it and what to do about it.
Next, we’ll get practical
We'll describe how breaking the Acting In cycle works and what specifically to do.
We'll look at the mindset that is necessary to engage intimacy in a meaningful way, rather than as a chore.
What to do when it feels like an emotional explosion happens.
We'll also talk about what the offset to Intimacy Aversion actually looks and feels like, as well as how to intentionally engage it for growth and character change. .
With our wives we will …
Learn how to avoid the nosedive in conversations so that we can avoid crashing and burning again.
Walk away from this class with better ways to carry the backpack of burden and actually provide healing for your wife, rather than more hurt.
Gain tools to prevent the old patterns and habits from taking over without even realizing it.
Understand what it means to see her heart when we feel hurt, and how to see her perspective when we want so badly for her to see ours.
DISCLAIMER
There are no quick-fixes. Intimacy is challenging and risky. We’ll give you insight and tools, but you have to do the work!
When is it?
The class is a 4-week commitment that meets on all of the following dates:
Tuesday, Nov 5th 2024 | 5:15pm - 6:45pm CST
Tuesday, Nov 12th 2024 | 5:15pm - 6:45pm CST
Tuesday, Nov 19th 2024 | 5:15pm - 6:45pm CST
Tuesday, Nov 26th 2024 | 5:15pm - 6:45pm CST
Who is it for?
Men who are committed to a life of intimacy and authenticity after betrayal.
How is it hosted?
Live Webinar
This means you’ll need to be sitting in front of your computer/tablet/device (ideally not a phone because it will be too difficult to see the diagrams), with audio and video enabled, free from distraction or other commitments. This is not a “call in and listen” situation, where you can participate on your commute or while engaged in other activities.
What’s expected of you:
Complete the homework assigned
Engage with a willing heart and be open to a different point of view on Intimacy
These classes are interactive from the moment the clock starts! Be prepared to engage, interact and talk about how the concepts apply to your situation.
What’s expected of us:
Employing a No Shame Zone: everyone is safe to share without judgement
Teaching you what you need to know and not a bunch of extra overwhelming information
Give you tools for practical application
To the best of our ability, nuance the concepts to fit your unique situation
Investment
$500
Privacy & Confidentiality: The classes are educational, group events. I cannot guarantee your privacy or confidentiality during this class. While you will have control over your camera and can determine whether anyone will see you, they will hear your voice and see your first name. You understand that participating in the class is at your own risk.
Who is teaching?
Meet Thomas Berry, RLCC
In 2012, after a decade of marriage, a successful career, two children with another on the way my double life of sexual addiction came to light. I was out of control. The process of finding freedom instantly became the fight of and for my life. Now, 8 years after being found out, I am celebrating a life and marriage better than I could have ever imagined; built on the foundation of Jesus, with an awakened heart and pursuit of integrity. For the past several years, I have been walking with other men helping them along their journey towards sexual integrity. I work full time as a Redemptive Living Certified Coach and also have been in a pastoral role at Grace Fellowship in Paducah, KY for the past two years. I’m committed to helping other men who have struggled with sexual integrity issues live the life God intended through doing the hard work of recovery.